


The Annoying Cat

by Agraulis_vanillae



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: And then more puns, Cat Puns, Cats, Crack, Gen, Papyrus and Spaghetti, Sans Being Sans, Sans Makes Puns, Stalker, so nothing new really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 21:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7454797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agraulis_vanillae/pseuds/Agraulis_vanillae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans meets his equivalent of Papyrus and the Annoying Dog. Needless say, he's not pleased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Annoying Cat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyre/gifts).



Sans was on his way to Grillby's when he saw it stalking him from an alleyway. Normally, he wasn't one to get his bones rattled, but then again there weren't a whole lot of these things around in the Underground either.

“cat gotcha tongue?” he asked his little follower.

Golden eyes blinked up at him. The black cat was a sleek short hair, with a piercing yellow gaze. Despite being called out, the cat was still unapologetically stalking him, body tense as it crawled forward in a crouch. Uncertain what to make of this, Sans decided to ignore it as he moved on. It wasn't long before the cat finally made its move.

Leaping on his back suddenly, the cat clung to his jacket as Sans teleported with a startled yelp. He stumbled into Grillby's gracelessly, cat still attached to his hoodie. He twisted around to see wide golden eyes peering up at him. The dog pack raised their heads and sniffed in his direction curiously.

“Hey Sansy (what's with the smell?)” the dog marriage chimed. Even Lesser Dog looked up, distracted from playing poker with itself. 

“kitty got back,” Sans winked, thumbing in the direction of the odd little thing clinging tenaciously to him. “seems like i couldn't shake off my tail this mornin'.”

“I can't see it,” Doggo complained.

The odd little bunny in the booth peered at his inter-space hitchhiker, “Maybe it thinks you're a h-h-h-hot catch!”

“pft, the only one on fire around here is grillby,” Sans snorted, an impressive accomplishment given his lack of nostrils. He told the black cat, wincing as its claws finally punctured his shirt through the jacket, “you're clingin' to the wrong bag of bones buddy.”

It merely shifted its grip and remained steadfastly in its position.

“bee tee dubs, I caught some 'pocket monster' thing at my hot dog stand today,” Sans mentioned. “looks kinda like you.”

“Humans certainly have some strange ideas about what we looked like,” they mused as they looked at the creature on the app. “Even stranger ideas of what we are! I'm not a panda!”

Sans settled down at the bar, “burg for me grillbs.”

Grillby went about preparing his order, as Sans finally felt the weight on his back shift, “ 'bout time, I know i haven't been anywhere near a boat but tibia honest you make for a pretty bad albatross yourself.”

“I don't get it?” the horse monster in the jumpsuit asked. Sans waved it off.

“some piece of human poetry a friend showed me a while back, doanworry'boutit,” he said just as the cat jumped up onto the counter. He sweated as it resumed its long stare. “seriously though, what's up with you?”

The cat meowed loudly, the first time he heard it make a sound since first noticing it. It paced along the counter as Doggo tracked its movements, sniffing intensely. “Looks weird, smells weird. Is that really a cat?”

He leaned forward as the cat meowed loudly again unperturbed as he sniffed. Doggo then sneezed, “Ugh, I think I'm allergic.”

A couple of girls came into the bar to sit next to Sans and the horse monster. “Hey Sans!” Both of them chimed.

“Who's your friend?” One of them cooed, already reaching out a hand to scratch the cat's ears. The other one swiftly made an order for a rum and coke as Grillby returned with the burger order. Sans shrugged as he squirted an excessive amount of ketchup onto the burger.

“no idea, just kinda showed up today and asserted itself,” The black cat trotted out of the first girl's reach to sniff at the burger. “oh no you don't katniss, that's my burg.” Sans chuckled before shoving nearly half of it into his mouth.

The cat's tail flickered in annoyance, and then it nuzzled the ketchup bottle causing it to fall over, roll, and spill onto the floor. The cat promptly leaped from the counter and started lapping up the spilled ketchup. The bird-like monster to his left commented, “Is it strange for a cat to be eating ketchup?”

“Nah, one of my cats always seems to like pickles, 'cuz he materializes every time I open the jar. I dunno if that's all that great for them though, come here sweetie~” the girl entranced by the appearance of the cat picked it up eliciting a plaintive yowl. Grillby showed up to hand the other one her drink, and seemed to pause as he registered the mess on the other side of the bar.

“Thanks Grillby,” she smiled sympathetically. “Here, hand me a towel or a napkin and I'll help wipe up the mess.”

As they were preoccupied, the cat perked up in the girl's arms and extended it's neck to go sniff at the rum and coke. “Whoa sweetie, don't go drinking that! That's hard alcohol!”

Sans regarded the cat thoughtfully, “why not give it a regular coke. its soda entertain.”

She groaned, promptly following it up with a giggle, “Sans your puns are a catastrophe!”

“I'll buy the cat a coke if you two promise to keep it out of my drink,” the girl helping Grillby with the ketchup mess grumbled. The cat stuck its entire head in the glass suddenly, lapping up the cocktail drink. “Dammit Sara!”

“Sorry, sorry they did it while I wasn't looking!” she squeaked. “I'll buy you a new drink?”

Much later, near closing time, only Sans and the cat remained at the bar itself. The dog pack made a habit of pow-wowing until closing time and so remained, but the girls and many other patrons had left for the night. The black cat blinked sleepily up at Sans and Grillby, laying on its side with the long empty sticky glass of rum and coke beside it. Sans wasn't fairing much better, slumped over the bar and babbling incoherently. Surrounding the one glass was a few empty ketchup bottles and a stray bloody mary. 

“i dunno whatcha talkin' about lil kitty cat, i'm feline fine,” he giggled. “'s not like i'm drunk or anythin' like that. wanna hear a knock knock joke? Okay, okay, so knock kno- ow!”

The cat pawed at his phalanges, suddenly twisting around on its back to chew on them and squint at him with half-lidded golden eyes. “...Who's there?” Grillby spoke, grabbing the empty cocktail glass to clean.

“catsup,” Sans responded as he tried to extract his fingers from the maze of teeth and hind claws, the cat kicking at his hand with its tail twitching.

“Catsup who?” 

The cat's eyes were wide and shining as Sans brought his hand back and held it out of the cat's reach. It appeared to be anticipating his next move. Sans wasn't particularly sure he was enjoying this game, but then he didn't seem to have a choice in the matter since the cat showed up to begin with. He grinned a little harder, and wiggled his fingers at it teasingly, “Catsup on top of the bar and won't come down!”

The deadpan stare from Grillby and the cat was identical. The cat then flipped back on its stomach and bit his other hand. “ow, geez it's not that bad! spare me the cattitude.”

“Sans please,” Grillby crackled as he buried both hands in his hoodie. “It's almost bad enough to close the bar on time tonight.”

“would you say my knock knock jokes is the claws for your discontent?” he winked. “or are you just feeling a little hot-headed tonight?” Nonetheless, he probably should get back to read Papyrus a story. He turned to leave when the cat suddenly jumped on his back again. “

The Dog Marriage noted, “I think it's following you, (because you smell like ketchup.)”

Sans attempted to glare at the cat climbing up into his hoodie, “you think so?”

“Well, its not because you smell like coke,” Doggo said past a smoking dog treat. Sometime in the night he joined Lesser Dog in the Poker Game against itself. Sans shrugged off the hoodie to pretend he was walking away. The black cat remained stubbornly nestled in the hood. 

“ya gotta be kitten me,” Sans grumbled with exasperation. He grabbed the hoodie and slung it across the shoulder with the cat still anchored in it and waved goodbye. Instead of taking his shortcut, he made the trek all the way back home, hoping at some point the cat would slip off without damaging his jacket too bad. Somehow, it remained in tow until he dumped it onto his couch.

“sorry m'late papyrus,” he called to the kitchen, the smells of burnt pasta and melted glitter simmering in the air. “can't seem to shake this new fur-iend.”

“WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SHAKE A FRIEND? OFFER THEM SOME DINNER!” Papyrus yelled. The sounds of flames drowned out the sound of boiling liquids.

“well, its this cat that's been hanging on me all day. it's im-puss-ible to get it to do anything else 'sides eat ketchup and drink coke,” he said.

He could hear his brother squinting suspiciously in the tone of his voice, “ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF..?”

“paw-sitively, yes,” the cat resumed its staring. “i'll be honest, its pretty creepy actually. it hasn't stopped staring at me all day.”

“MAYBE IT'S NEVER SEEN ANYTHING AS LAZY AS YOU BEFORE,” Papyrus huffed. He managed to sit down and try a plate of spaghetti, trying not to think too much about it. It wasn't long before a rustling sound could be heard from inside the fridge. He gave Papyrus a puzzled look.

“did your spaghetti animate or something?” 

“N-NO!!!”

They approached the fridge uneasily, and Papyrus rested a hand on the handle before yanking it open. There was the black cat, head caught inside a new bag of ketchup flavored chips. Papyrus yelped, “WHAT THE HECK!” as the cat jumped out of the fridge with the bag still over its head, skittering across the floor and running out with his chips.

“HOW DID THAT CAT EVEN GET INSIDE THE FRIDGE?” Papyrus mused. Sans's eyes went hollow.

He really didn't like that cat.

**Author's Note:**

> This was basically inspired by some conversation between us. XD


End file.
